HOPE-lessness & HELP-lessness

hopelessness and helplessness both have strong root words...HOPE and HELP...throughout my life have experienced both of these...i developed a variety of coping strategies to deal with these feelings...most of them involving extreme physical activity and/or exhibiting controlling behaviors...this journey through lyme began with me in a state of helplessness...i was shocked and scared when i was diagnosed...i spent the first 2 months spinning and drowning in the overwhelming feeling of helplessness...i couldn't use my normal coping skills to deal...the more research dominic did for me and the more processing i did, i started to move to the 'HELP' realm...through the combination of eastern and western medicine my lyme went into remission...this was short lived because 5 weeks later i relapsed...i spent a month gradually getting worse unaware that i was again suffering from lyme...i stayed fast in my HELP space and opted for extreme, aggressive treatment through iv antibiotics...the first month went by without the lyme responding...the second round of meds started along with a round of oral meds...after spending 2 hours everyday for the past 30 days letting antibiotics drip into my body i finally reached a breaking point this past week...i started to lose it...i was spent...mentally...emotionally...and physically...i had moved into the space of HOPELESSNESS...this was a new and difficult space for me...i have tried to be so strong and upbeat throughout this journey...and i am fed up...i spent the last few days feeling the despair that can drag you into depression...i came to the decision that i need a break from my meds...im not sure what it will do in terms of my lyme but i also have begun to learn that to be truly healthy i need to take care of my mental, emotional, and spiritual state of being...my decision to talk with my dr. about different options or a possible break has taken me across that fine line into a space of HOPE...after a very thought-provoking session with my counselor i think i finally realize that regardless of whether i feel a sense of helplessness or hopelessness there is always those strong, powerful root words HOPE and HELP...and between God, dominic, family and friends i am NOT alone...i will continue to accept this journey as an invitation of growth and amazing opportunities...thank you for riding with me!!